LeSean McCoy on Leaving a 20-Cent Tip: "I Didn't Do Anything Wrong"

Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean McCoy admitted Thursday that he left a 20 cent tip—not 20 percent, but twenty hundredths of one American dollar—on a $60 restaurant bill, but he did not apologize. In fact, he said he'd do the same thing again. » 9/11/14 4:00pm Thursday 4:00pm

Apparently, This Is Apparently Kid's First Time on a Talk Show

Apparently Kid Noah Ritter, the ginger 5-year-old you apparently remember from that time he apparently overused a certain qualifier in a local news interview, charmed everyone on Ellen Thursday in what was apparently his first time on a national talk show. » 9/11/14 2:10pm Thursday 2:10pm

Witness in Walmart Police Shooting Now Says Victim Never Pointed Gun

John Crawford III, a 22-year-old black man, was fatally shot by police inside an Ohio Walmart after another shopper reported Crawford was "walking around with a gun in the store." The alleged gun, which the witness described in a 911 call as a black rifle, and later said he thought was an AR-15, turned out to be a BB… » 9/11/14 12:49pm Thursday 12:49pm

Nick Offerman Has Just One Piece of Advice for College Freshmen

School's back in session, and another class of college freshmen is embarking on the traditional years-long journey of learning, drinking, fucking, and non-dischargeable debt. It's too late to save them now, but Nick Offerman has one exquisite dram of wisdom that could make their time go more smoothly: Don't use your… » 9/11/14 9:40am Thursday 9:40am

Charlie Sheen Offers $1,000 to Waiter Who Got $.20 Tip From NFL Player

An etiquette battle erupted in Philly Monday when a restaurant attempted to shame Eagles running back LeSean McCoy for allegedly leaving a 20 cent tip on his $60 bill. McCoy's supporters argue that PYT Burger is a slimy hole with bad Yelp reviews, while his detractors point out that he left a 20 cent tip on a $60 bill. » 9/10/14 5:47pm Wednesday 5:47pm

Jeff Goldblum Reveals the Lyrics to the Theme From Jurassic Park

We've shared a lot of special moments with Jeff Goldblum over the years—Rocky Horror, The Big Chill, the time he watched us poop—but perhaps none endures as annoyingly/endearingly as his role in Jurassic Park. Which is why we keep demanding that he come back to it, and he continues gamely indulging us. » 9/10/14 4:30pm Wednesday 4:30pm

Jared Leto's Allegedly Enormous Penis Makes a Public Appearance

According to sources who claim to be close to Jared Leto's dick, Jared Leto's dick is very large, as human dicks go, and shaped like the plumed helmet of an elite Roman guard. Although this classic American genital folktale hasn't been independently confirmed, Leto entered some new evidence into the Case of Is Jared… » 9/10/14 1:00pm Wednesday 1:00pm

Bill Murray, Sarah Silverman, Chris Pratt May Be SNL's Next 3 Hosts

Bill Murray could make his first Saturday Night Live appearance in 15 years as the show kicks off its 40th season. According to Splitsider, local NBC affiliates announced the new season's first three hosts in a story that has since been taken down. » 9/10/14 11:12am Wednesday 11:12am

Art Show of Jennifer Lawrence's Nudes Cancelled, Replaced by Penis

The artist who recently announced a gallery show featuring stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton has decided not to go through with it. He'll exhibit his own nudes instead, which he feels is pretty much the same thing, artistically. » 9/10/14 10:15am Wednesday 10:15am

John Oliver Gives Russia's Horny Space Geckos a Proper Musical Sendoff

Perhaps no one on Earth cared more than John Oliver about the crew of Russian geckos that recently perished during a mission to mate in space. He's devoted multiple segments on Last Week Tonight to the brave fuck-lizards and their plight, and the news of their death seems to have hit him pretty hard. » 9/09/14 12:05pm 9/09/14 12:05pm

Kim Kardashian Does Ice Bucket Challenge for Kim Kardashian Awareness

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge was a singular phenomenon that swept up celebrities and normals alike with its combination of altruism and gale force peer pressure. It raised so many millions that the ALSA doesn't know how to spend them all. And it's also, we can all agree, over. » 9/09/14 11:18am 9/09/14 11:18am